The Plan...So far

This past weekend I started to put together a plan and budget for the big day.

Friday (Wedding Day)
Since we will most likely have guests staying at our house, the night of our wedding we will stay at the Umstead hotel – your basic local 5 star establishment. So mid day Friday we will check in, get ready, and hire a photog to take pictures of us on the hotel grounds for 1 – 2 hours. Unsure if pros or myself will do hair and make-up.

Then drive ourselves to downtown Raleigh (Justice of the Peace) and get married in front parents, siblings, and very close friends. After, we all go to dinner. Place to be determined.

Friday Budget
Hotel: $300
Photog; $600
Dinner: $1000
Total: $1900

Saturday
The party will probably start around 5ish – this will probably depend on what date we pick and time sun goes down. Our house has an open kitchen into a large eat in area into our family room…which all of this is off of our deck. So we will probably move out some furniture and rent a bunch of high tables to be scattered in and outside.

We will hire a caterer to provide all of the food, as well as serve. I don’t want to be stuck in kitchen that day. So I am hoping we can have 2 people – 1 person warming food, putting it out, passing it out, cleaning up, ect…and the other person as a bartender.

I don’t think we have room for a DJ – especially if it rains – so iPod will be fine.

Saturday Budget
Table & linen rentals: $300
Catering Food: $1200 (50 - 60 people)
Alcohol & other drinks: $400
2 Servers: $300
Plates, glasses, utensils, ect rental: $200
Other décor: $200
Total $2600

So that would bring grand total to $4500 – which doesn’t include EVERYTHING. I still have to research prices and create budget for things like invites, dress/altering, cupcakes and favors. But I think there is some room to save some more money in a few other places:

1. Don’t rent tables/linens…use what we have and supplement with borrowed friend’s stuff

2. Buy and cook the food ourselves…just hire the people to warm and serve

3. Use paper plates, cups, utensils…not very Green, but if we had to save money

4. Friday night dinner – either cancel or not go as fancy…future father in law wants to pay but we really want to pay for everything ourselves

Our next step is to pick a date. Since my brother and his wife will need to travel here early Friday, I need to talk to them and see WHAT Friday works for them. Because we want to follow this up with a 2 week honeymoon, Eric will need to wait until 2010 to have the time off. So Most likely April or May of 2010.

I Can See Clearly Now...

Finally.

Mr. We'll Figure it Out has came back down to earth.

Its decided. We are planning to get married on a Friday night, at city hall...then have a small dinner with our closest people...and the following day (Saturday) throw a party for the rest of our friends at our house.

I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted.

The decision was made this weekend. We had a long (all day on and off) discussion about our short-term and long-term goals.

Short-term: We want to go on a cruise with our friends.

Long-term: We want to buy a vacation home in the NC mountains.

These goals are more important to us then having a traditional wedding. Even if we could do something for $5-10K...that's money taken away from our goals.

Just typing this, I feel so much better. I just think this fits us better.

And I know we made the right decision, because since booking the cruise, we are so excited. Its all we can talk about. We NEVER got this excited over wedding stuff.

A Craig's List Wedding, Really?

Who is this Craig guy, and why does he have all these lists?

Last year, when I was personally banning eBay (because I didn't want my money to go to Meg Whitman and her campaigns for Prop 8) I started using Craig's List. The drawback with using CL is timing. Every time I found something I wanted to buy, I contacted the seller, and the item was already sold. So when Meg stepped down from eBay, I went running back.

My most recent eBay obsession is looking at J Crew wedding dresses. Yes, the dresses are already affordable, but why not get it even cheaper? But after a few weeks of the J Crew dress I am hunting for, not appearing on eBay, I wandered over to Craig and his list to search for it there.

I haven't found it there either yet...I am still searching his other city's lists...but I was shocked to find so much wedding stuff on CL.

Now, i don't mean dresses, rings, decor....all that I expected.

What I am surprised by is all the vendors. Do a search for the word wedding under gigs or services and there it is...venues, caterers, DJs, musicians, photogs, planners, and so much more.

And, I saw a lot of free services....such as planners and photogs just starting out and needing to build a book of their previous work.

I am actually in contact with one vendor who advertised this:

Plan your wedding with ease.

All inclusive wedding packages available for as low as $10,000 for 100 guest.

Package includes:

• Wedding/Reception Location in Raleigh NC (all in the same venue)
• Wedding Photography (photojournalistic style)
• Invitations ( a lot to choose from)
• Wedding Cake
• Catering
• Wedding Flowers/Reception Centerpieces
• Wedding Officiant
• DJ for wedding and reception
• Wedding Favors (a lot to choose from)
• Transportation from Reception
• Wedding Coordinator for the entire day

2009 dates are quickly booking up. Email today for a consultation.

And over email she said I can bring own alcohol for a one time $50 fee (for permit from city). I am going to meet with them later this week and see what they have to say. It sounds to good to be true, so I am skeptical, but I am going in it with an open mind.

So for all the budget brides still looking for vendors, if you haven't already, check out your local Craig's List!

We'll Figure it Out

During our lovely v day meal, I thought it would be a good time for us to rank the priorities for our wedding day. I was hoping that after this exercise, we’d have a clear vision of what we both wanted, and what we were willing to sacrifice to get it.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

We are both not negotiable when it comes to 1. fab honeymoon, 2. parents, siblings, and close friends, and 3. a “really good time”. But that is where our agreements stop.

Important to him – all family and friends, live band, buffet

Important to me – photography, live ceremony music, not going into debt to pay for 1 day

He said things like “I can get a second job” me: uugghh no.

“We can take out a home equity loan” me: in this economy are you kidding me?

“I think we can swing $25k”
me: explain how
“We’ll figure it out”

What? This is his solution…We’ll figure it out….and he is an Accountant?

And he thinks we can go on the cruise this year as well as pay to have a bunch of trees removed from our property. Not to mention the TV he is thinking about getting (because only 2 of the 4 in his man room are HD) or tickets to the UNC-Duke game, which aren’t cheap.

So the conclusions we came to…
1. He will do some research to find a venue that we can bring in any food, liquor, etc ourselves (yes, I wished him good luck).

2. In the meantime, we will have an engagement party. Something small at our home.

No Longer Accepting Applications

Eric came home from work the other day and said

"Turns out that new guy I am working with is pretty cool...I thought maybe we should..."

"No...we are not going out with them or having them over. Stop making new friends or contacting old ones on Facebook".

Seriously, this is what my life has come to. We have too many friends, and way too much family. Our small, intimate affair wedding guest list is up to 45...our larger guest list is up to 189...if we cut non-adults we are maybe at 151.

"Oh, all your family from the northeast won't come"

No, they will. My brother got married in Maine and thought the same thing about the NJ guests. But they all came, every last one of them. They complained how far it was, how expensive the hotels were, and how terrible it was that the young children weren't invited. But, none of these grievances stopped them from coming.

I love my crazy Italian-Polish family to death, and we are so fortunate to have a large group of close friends, but the madness has got to stop.

For Richer or Poorer

You can not turn on the TV or flip through the newspaper without hearing about the depressing state of this economy. Phrases like "Economic Tsunami" aren't just business buzz words that we make fun of. Grim, crisis, recession, depression, uncertainty, unhealthy....try watching the News for 5 minutes and NOT hear any of those words.

And yet, the wedding industry moves on. Couples look to save money where they can. More brides are taking on DIY projects. Less people are taking extravagant honeymoons.

After a long stare at my Q4 401(k) statement that came in the mail this week I had a sort of Oprah ah-ha moment. I don't have to know where/when/how we are going to get married right now. We don't have a date. We knew it wouldn't be until 2010. So why not just wait?

Just wait and see what happens. Maybe things will improve. But in case they don't, we have our money in our hands, and not sitting in the bank account of a vendor.

If the economy starts to improve we can reevaluate. The most important thing is that we get married. The two of us can do that for the small cost of the marriage license and it would be just as fabulous.

With all of that said, I am still going to move forward with collecting ideas of how I want the wedding to be...after all, I am not the girl that dreamt about her wedding since she was a little girl...so I will use the next few months to be that girl.

Recap of Week

Its been a tough week. First I got a very nasty virus on my computer. I swear it had to come from this bridal survey I was taking - because I didn't visit any websites I don't usually stalk, or download anything at all. Late Sunday night it just started taking over my lap top. It was downloading on its own, and was smart enough to not let me go to websites that would update my virus protector or get instructions of how to remove. So I was sans lap top until Friday.

In addition, my first day back to work, I was given the news we were laying off 27 people, including one of my employees. So Friday morning I made the dreaded phone call (we both work from home, her in NY, me in NC). Over the years I have laid numerous people off. This time was different. Previously, I knew my good employees would be fine, and they would get a job, possibly even better or higher paying. But in this economy, that's not the case. You know when you are letting someone go, there is a really good chance they will not be able to find another job, for a very long time. Its like sending your troops into battle without weapons.

See, I work in the staffing industry. I can gauge the job market on the number of friends and family that bug me to help with their resume or ask me to help find them a job. When the market is good, they contact me saying they want another job because they don't like their boss, or want more money. But when its bad, and these are the calls I have been getting weekly, their reasons are because they got laid off or think they are about to.

I did mention to do more wedding research this week. First, I had a great call with Ruth Chris. We love Ruth Chris. We try to go as often as we can, which is usually a handful of times a year. We tell friends and family members that buy us gifts to get us RC gift cards. Its our first choice when celebrating birthdays or anniversaries. This year we spent New Years Eve there. The service and quality is worth every cent....so why not share this love with others? Ruth Chris looks like our #1 option for a small wedding. Which keeps growing, we are up to 40 people. Although I find it funny when I speak to other brides and use the word "small" many think that means 100 people.

Their ceremony fee is only $75...yes seventy-five-dollars. The per person meals are $50-60 per person, which includes salad, protein, 2 sides, and dessert.

So if you have eaten at Ruth Chris, you know this is a steal. And, after knowing what your average catering people charge per head, this is REALLY a steal. This is a meal people would remember.

Of course we can add hot/cold appetizers, which we probably would, to have a sort of cocktail hour. And the event planner suggests we choose bottles of red and white wine, then create a customized drink menu of beer and mixed drinks that the guests can order. This way no one orders a $300 bottle of wine or a 200 year old Scotch.

So if you spoke with me on Thursday, our minds were basically made up. Ruth Chris it is! We would pick a date early spring (after NCAA basketball tourney was over....I know, don't ask) then plan to host a party in NJ over the summer. Years ago I was at a company hosted event on the beach at Jenkinsons in Point Pleasant, NJ. It was a blast. So got on the phone with them, they still did it. $40 per person, BBQ, beer and wine. Done.

And then Saturday came. Last week at the wedding show I met the event planner for the Raleigh Downtown Sheraton and set an appointment for Saturday (yesterday). I sort of dragged my feet Saturday and then felt bad cancelling. I had nothing to do, so why not check it out.

Before I go on, let me explain something. If I had a wedding fairy god mother, who would grant (eehhem pay) whatever wishes we had for a wedding, I would get married at a fabulous loft in New York City, at night, overlooking the city lights and hustle and bustle. Now, Raleigh is not New York. Not even close...not even a little. But, the Sheraton gives you the illusion that it may be.

They have this great room with floor to ceiling windows, that overlooks the city. I fell in love with the pictures of previous night weddings. The hotel itself is nice. The decor is clean and simple, no bad floral wallpaper or pink carpets. They have black and white linens that I would defiantly use. They even have candles for centerpieces. With 94 possible out of town guests, it would be very convenient. And the wedding coordinator is wonderful...we really hit it off, and turns out she lives about 8 houses away from me.

So, once again here we are. What to do? How to decide? Weddings are so personal....It's so easy to get caught up with ideas, hence why we change our minds every 48 hours.

So let's see what this week brings!

Advice from Friends

So after a few days of gathering pricing information from several vendors, and hearing from friends "Your spend will be double of what you think because of hidden fees, service charges, gratuity, and taxes"....we are back thinking about a small affair. Now, I am still going to continue to look at the large-affair-typical-reception venues, but now more seriously consider the small ones.

Our idea for a small wedding would be 30-35 people - our parents, siblings, and closest friends - an intimate ceremony and fab dinner. Then, within a month or two, have a "party" (minus the word wedding will hopefully be less expensive) somewhere in NJ, so that our NJ and New England guests will have no problem attending.

I spent time the past few days speaking with friends and co-workers about their wedding. While they had "no regrets", all of them basically said if they could do it again they would either elope or have a small event. "WHY?" I asked....most common answers were:

(1) Would rather have spent that money on a house down payment (fortunately we already have a house, and don't have to choose between wedding or house...by the way, house would win if we did have to choose)

(2) The bride and groom spend most of the wedding greeting/thanking guests for coming...and little time to enjoy the event themselves.

Hmm...125 guests, 3 minutes each = 375 minutes = Over 6 Hours!!!

Well, maybe if we only spent 60 seconds with each = That would only be 2 hours. Then we would have 2+ more hours to eat, drink, dance, etc. I can see it now....as we walk around to each table we can bring a stop watch...and a big buzzer can ring when their minute is up.

One of the main reasons we considered having a large event was to see all our families and friends from far away....but 1 or 2 minutes with each person? A short phone call or long email would cover more territory!

And the (3) reason - Stress over the details. Lighting, linens, flowers, favors...blah blah...as one bride told me "I spent days designing and thinking about my centerpieces...I am sure if a week after the reception I called my entire guest list, not one could describe for me what they looked like. What a waste of time and money."

We have a lot of thinking to do...

Wedding Show Review

First, I need to start off my saying I have very little patience for crowds. Maybe it's because I spend a lot of time in crowded airports behind people that seemed to never have been to an airport before in their life. You know, the people that are in front of you walking then just stop and forget they have many people behind them trying to walk to their destination. Or the people in line at security that are not "ready" with shoes and belts off, lap tops out, and 4oz liquids in their plastic bags. And of course my favorite are the people that don;t care about the order the plane is boarding and even when the gate agent tells them they can not board, they just wait right there. In that very spot. So they can be on the plane as soon as possible.

With that off my chest I am very happy I got to the wedding show early - by 10am. I was done by 12:30, which was just about perfect because at that time is when it was very crowded, difficult to walk down each aisles without saying "please excuse me" 10 times, and felt like it was 90 degrees. Not to mention all the vendors I spoke with gave me a ton of lit, and I collected 5 magazines. The plastic bag they give you when you enter is a joke. They should give you a piece of small luggage (with wheels....omg this place IS like an airport).

It seemed like half or more of the vendors were photographers, with bakers ranking a close second. Perhaps I'll visit another wedding show in the future to see them, but my mission was venues. First, I was surprised that not 1 vendor I spoke to had their 2010 calendar with them. Do that many people plan a wedding within less than 1 year? Second, a lot of the venues are really just space. You pay $3k - $20k (yes, $20k) to just rent the space. You bring everything in....some did have tables and chairs. I don't think that's the route we want. Too much work.

So after my chats with everyone I have a small list of places we will look at more closely:

1. Sheraton Downtown Raleigh - appt next Saturday @3pm
2. Caffe Luna, Downtown Raleigh - will make appt for early next Saturday
3. Sisters Garden, Raleigh
4. Millennium Hotel, Durham

And there are a few others that were either not at the show, or perhaps I missed while just trying to pass a troupe of mothers and daughters oohing and aahing.

5. Raleigh County Club, Raleigh
6. One Eleven Place, Cary
7. 1705 Prime, Raleigh (and the other restaurants this group manages)

So tomorrow, while I am sulking about going back to work on Monday (at least Gossip Girl returns to TV Monday night...I am having such withdrawal) I will start emailing all the vendors to setup appointments over the next few weeks.